REBECCA ASKS | Blogger envy - how do you deal with it? | Hello Pretty Bird! - A beauty and not-so-glamorous lifestyle blog

03 June, 2015

REBECCA ASKS | Blogger envy - how do you deal with it?

Happy Wednesday, everybody! Hope your week has gone well so far.

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This week's Q&A topic might be a bit of  a sensitive one, but I'm going to put it out there anyway. I was talking to a newly-minted blogger friend recently about the subject of blogger envy—AKA getting jealous over shit that other people have or get to do that you don't. So here's my simple (but complicated) question:

Do you experience blogger envy? If so, how do you deal with it?

A lot of the blogger envy vitriol I see (publicly, at least) seems to be related to getting free stuff. "Why did she get that? Her blog sucks!" or "She obviously gets lots of free stuff because she only writes positive reviews!" (Which I realize may be the case with some bloggers, but certainly not with all.) Freebie envy is not something that I personally experience, but I wanted to mention it because (a) it seems very, very common and (b) I want to encourage people to be careful about writing shit like that publicly in forums and whatnot, because it paints a really negative picture to outsiders. Of course if you (privately) have those feelings, that's not a horrible thing—but how do you deal with them?

As for me: I'll admit that once in a while I'll feel a tinge of jealousy when I see other bloggers get really cool sponsored campaigns that I didn't get. I try to remind myself that there's probably a reason though that isn't just "You suck, Rebecca!" Maybe they have higher traffic numbers than I do, maybe they take nicer photos, maybe the sponsor wanted people who were older or younger, etc. I don't know every single thing that goes on behind the scenes. So how do I deal with it? Work on my own damn blog, haha. Try to get better at photography. And when all else fails, turn off my computer and go for a walk.

There's a type of blogger envy that even non-bloggers experience too—I'm talkin' lifestyle envy. This can manifest itself in many forms, but just to name a couple of examples: Being envious of a blogger or Instagrammer's seemingly impeccable skin or fashion sense, a parenting blogger's picture-perfect and oh-so-tidy house when your kids are constantly destroying shit, a foodie blogger's well-lit kitchen that's equipped with that stand mixer you've wanted since 1982. Personally I'm OK with being a hot mess, but I understand how a constant stream of perfection might be... well... frustrating.

There are other types of blogger envy too, but I've rambled enough for now! Let me know your feelings on this subject (and how you deal with them) in the comments.

18 comments:

  1. I have serious blogger envy of all of the travel bloggers I follow who travel the world! I realize they work really hard at it though and that I could travel more, too, if I just stopped spending money on makeup and subscription boxes...haha! But when I start to feel envious in other ways I just think back to when I first started my blog and thought that no one would ever read it, and I look at how far I've come since then. It sounds corny, but it helps!

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  2. I definitely can get envious of the lifestyles OF THE RICH AND THE FAMOUS, haha no, of some bloggers that I follow. But I do think my jealousy comes from a different perspective because I always think, "Well maybe I could do that if I wasn't sick," or something along those lines if you get my drift. So it definitely gets to me in a different way, a depressing way sometimes even, but I just remind myself that I can't do EVERYTHING. I have to take care of myself first and sometimes the outlets I choose to take care of myself don't include my blog.

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  3. I fortunately haven't had that since I first began. I love reading everyone's blogs.

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  4. That's good Shannon! I hope it stays that way. :)

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  5. I can totally understand that, and how it might be depressing at times. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing though - hugs!

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  6. Oh yeah, I can relate to that! I was fortunate enough to be able to go on some long backpacking trips when I was in my 20s, and sometimes when I see travel bloggers doing similar stuff I have a moment of "man, I wish I was still doing that and not glued to a computer all day." It's harder to do that now though, and I can't travel back in time, so... I just have to deal with it. I think that's a very good coping strategy! This blog looked like total shit when I started it, so if I feel bad about my photography now I look back to some of the horrible pictures i posted in 2013 and feel better, lol.

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  7. I don't think those things have to be mutually exclusive - when I see someone else get an opportunity that I wanted I feel really glad for them, just disappointed that I don't get to do it too, haha. I think "skills envy" definitely falls within the realm of blogger envy too - there are some people who do crazy and amazing eye looks and I wish I had those skills! Also, I really suck at nail art, so I'm always blown away by people who can paint super intricate or 3D designs.

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  8. Of course I get blogger envy! There are times I feel like I work so hard but still seem to have to beg for samples. It's unfair but it keeps me motivated.
    Also, I always try to take a step back and think that what I see on social media is only what other ppl want me to see, it's only a facade, so i need to take that in with a grain of salt.

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  9. Yeah that's very true. I certainly don't post pictures of my messy kitchen or student loan bills on Instagram, lol. On a more positive note, brands really should send you stuff! You take great photos.

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  10. I don't think I get blogger envy that much, although sometimes when some bloggers go to a really cool event I kind of wish I was there. There are occasions where I wonder how a blogger who's lacking in many areas got sponsored, but it's more curiosity than jealousy.


    I think rather than getting all jealous and trash-talking someone publicly, it's better to just work harder yourself. I admit I got pretty lucky when it comes to sponsors, and there are multiple occasions where I think "Why me?" because there are plenty of better bloggers out there. Anyways! I'm getting totally off topic lol I guess I just don't think about it too much. In fact, I admire the bloggers who are able to post on a regular basis since I know how difficult it is. Heck, I can't even find time to post once a week!

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  11. Haha I've had thoughts like that too. I will never name names, but there are some bloggers who have iffy writing skills and take legit bad photos (like blurry and dark) and still get sponsorships, and I'm like... how?

    I think part of getting sponsorships does actually have to do with luck though. There are hundreds of bloggers out there who write well and take decent photos, but maybe a brand only wants to work with ten people, so they go for the first ten good people they happen to see. It never hurts to work on your skills though - I'm sure a big part of the reason you get opportunities is because you take good photos and write detailed reviews!

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  12. I used to get blogger envy (when I blogged) in the form of wishing I got sponsored, but than like you i turned towards working on my blog.

    Now that I do not blog, but still am an avid reader, I tend to find more of the 'I wish my life was as perfect as theirs' kind of envy. This one is way less work to deal with I find for two reasons. One, I remind myself I am only seeing finely curated snippets of their life. I am sure my life would seem way better if I only shared the best parts of it. Secondly, laziness factor. Making your life look perfect like that (in any area, beauty, household, whatever) is a LOT of work. Personally, I find that energy better spent in other areas of my life. Plus I have two cats, so the household perfection is just out of the question.

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  13. Yeah I can't think of a single blogger or vlogger who shows their life completely raw and unedited. I'm not trying to be super glamorous or anything, but all of my photos look nice and tidy (while the rest of my house is cluttered craziness, haha). When I do foodie posts, I have to move the 800 vitamin bottles that seem to end up on my dining table before taking pictures. Should I document that process too? :P

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  14. When I started blogging, I got really envious of all the freebies and cool campaigns. At first, it wasn't a bad type of jealousy; it was mainly feeling in awe of the amazing stuff that they got to try and do. As I grew as a blogger, the envy started to build to the point where I would be like "Why did SHE get the campaign? My blog is obviously better than hers" especially when it was a campaign I applied to as well.


    Looking back, I think I've slowly but surely learned to accept that companies look for certain aspects of bloggers that fit what they're looking for. Basically I learned that just by being yourself, showing who you truly are, and writing quality posts about what you're most passionate about will put you and your blog out there. When you love what you write about, people get drawn to it; it shows. Eventually you'll get in companies' radars, and the best part is that those campaigns will be better suited to you, your blog, and your readers.


    Nowadays I do still get blogger envy, but it's mostly when I see a beauty blogger being able to spend on hauls of products that I can't possibly afford, when I see a fashion blogger who's skinnier than me who looks good in anything, or a lifestyle blogger who gets paid to attend a festival I really wanted to go to. But I try to deal with it in stride. We all have things we strive to achieve, and I just keep telling myself that I just need to keep my own goals in mind.


    Wow, that was a lot. This isn't something that people talk about even though they should, so thank you so much for sharing!

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  15. This is really hard for me to comment on, only because being where I am today with blogging would make others give up. Let's face it, blogging for 6 years and really not on anyone's major PR list for product samples can leave any beauty blogger questioning their blogging worth. I had to learn to blog with what I have which is what is stored in my old brain. I don't know if it is good or bad but that is what I can only do.

    As for the lifestyle of some bloggers, please, I am an old lady and I know that pretending or even trying to be someone you aren't is tiring. If these bloggers want to convey a certain image of themselves, let them because in the end, it all comes down to who they are when they look in the mirror in the morning!

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  16. I think lifestyle envy can strike in different ways. I don't really feel envious of people who post super-chic and polished images of their lives, but when I see someone who has a cool garden or something like that I get super jealous, because it's impossible in my current (urban) environs. Likewise, there are probably who would be jealous of me for living in NYC even though I reside in a small, gardenless apartment building, haha.

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  17. I don't have blogger envy. When I see someone achieving great goals I just think "good for them!" I assume most of them work pretty hard at making their blog more visible, and they reach out to PR companies and such. I don't do any of that, and I don't really have any desire to. I don't want to feel obligated to write about stuff, so press samples don't interest me. I'm pretty happy with my little blog.

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  18. Good! I definitely understand not wanting to feel obligated to write reviews... I'm glad I get some press samples because my budget is limited and it's fun to try new stuff, but it's not like they come without any stress. Free doesn't actually equal free in that sense - if you see a blogger get heaps of free products, it probably also means that heaps of brands and PRs are emailing them wondering when they'll publish that review, haha!

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